miercuri, 5 octombrie 2016

Lose control, be yourself

What is like to be a grown up? It sucks on one side, but it's also relieving. I'm mostly on my own; I can eat what I want (if I have money), I can sleep when and how I want, I can dress up without my mother scolding me because I put something inappropriate.

But responsabilities... Man, they're difficult to handle. Decisions, choices... you have to compare and pick the things that works better. And the thing is, in this society I live in, it just means you have to choose the best out of the worst. I can have a good day followed by ten horrible ones. I can wake up feeling great, dressing up, having my coffee but then reality strikes as soon as I walk out the door. Idiots picking on me when I wear a short skirt, smelly homeless people, loud annoying gypsies and all kind of creeps. The lack of civilization, education, money leads to an increase of the number of these types of people. I get disgusted every day I get out of my place. So, you see, I need some time in the morning to prepare myself before I go to the university. Otherwise, I get depressed really fast.

The rest of the people make me sad. I feel like they're all boring and empty. It's a rare thing to find someone I can really talk to. Small talk consumes me, makes me lose all the energy and optimism I have. Most people don't go deep. They are so afraid of what others might think that they preffer keeping their feelings for themselves. Sometimes I act like them because I'm scared too, but most of the time, instead of talking and braging about dull every day events, I shut in. I'd rather be alone and stop talking at all.

I am an introverted person, I need time on my own to recharge my batteries after socializing with others. But when I find someone compatible to my thinking, talking to them excites me, it makes me happy, because I can say exactly what is on my mind. I don't need to disguise or hide anything. It feels so good, but it's so rare that I find someone like this...

Losing control, letting go, exceeding expectations, thinking outside the box. People don't do that. It's sad and frustrating, but I haven't lost hope. I've always been a dreamer and nothing can stop me from expecting better things.

I don't think I'll find what I dream of here, in Romania, or at least not in this part of the country. I'll move out one day when I'll find he right person to join me. Oh, these are dreams! They might not come true. I could die in my parents' house or right here... But dreaming is what you do when you have a boring class and you're sleepy 'cause you haven't had you're coffee yet.

People make me mad. Because they're stupid, they don't use their brains anymore. People get stuck in their routine and forget that there's a huge world out there. There are so many books, you couldn't read them in a thousand years. So many places to visit. So many songs to listen to. Still they go to the same places, meet the same people, engage in the same activities. Why? Cause it's easier, cheaper. People don't get out of their comfort zone anymore.

Get out there and be yourself, your true self. No play pretend, no lies, no masks. Look for what you dream of and get it.